I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
