it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
