talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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