she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
