just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
