Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
