Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
