My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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