It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
