my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
