we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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