You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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