Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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