first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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