fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
