Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
