I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
