there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
