I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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