You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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