I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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