Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
