God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize