Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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