He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
