i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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