Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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