I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
