If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
