That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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