She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
