Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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