guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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