I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
