do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How does it feel to date your dad?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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