Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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