Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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