You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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