even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
