This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
