I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
