Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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