The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
