And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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