Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize