I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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