we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
