So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
