my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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