Little spoons don't ask big questions
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
