Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
