I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My vagina is very pro this idea
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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