she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
ugly people sure do ruin things
Everything about him screamed your future.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
