Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
