I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
