Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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