so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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