The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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