I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
