whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
