Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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