You can't motorboat a personality
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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