arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How does one acquire holy water?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
