would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
