i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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