did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
