i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ladies don't puke and tell
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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