Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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