is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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