Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
