As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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