i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
