Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
