if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
