My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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