Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
