apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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