sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
